Ladies and gentlemen,
Everything happened in the news this week.
A ferry bound for Vancouver accidentally dropped anchor and did a doughnut.
One man missed a meeting, lost a client, and lost his job,
While readers were filled with an amusing mental image.
A politician cut funding to a cash-strapped social program,
Which some people were angry about,
While most readers didn’t care.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Everything happened in the news this week.
A man lost a testicle in a dog attack,
He was in a world of pain.
Most readers either crossed their legs,
Or laughed because the headline had the word “testicle” in it.
A mother and two daughters died in a house fire.
The husband’s heart was filled with sorrow,
While most readers ignored it.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Everything happened in the news this week.